The boring days of my life

I'm back

2005-06-27T13:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, thought I'd start this again. Thought maybe it would help. Things are rough. Mia is colicky or something, and it's hell on earth. I think that is why I can't kick this dang depression stuff. Mia just seems like she's in pain all the time, even when I get her to smile. And I know that this too shall pass, I just wish it would hurry up and pass!!!! i've been buying things off ebay like mad, I think to try to make myself feel better, and it's not working. I did just get a pottery barn quilt in twin size that matches Mia's bedding for when she's in a twin bed. It was so cheap, and since you can't get it anymore, I had to jump at it. That way I won't have to repaint her room, redo all the curtains, etc. Now if I can just get Dh to consent to the rug that matches.....

Do you ever feel like you have NO friends? I do all the time. My best friend from high school just annoys the crap outta me lately. Everything is so dramatic, it gets old. She never asks me how I'm doing, just starts right in on what dramatic thing has happened to her lately. My Dh has been distant,or maybe it's me distancing myself, my Mom's been kinda bitchy, and all the other sorta kinda friends I have I just don't talk to that much. I think I'm just feeling sorry for myself, but DAMN!! Try to deal with a screaming not even two month old baby ALL DAY. It gets so old. At least she sleeps 5-6 hours at night for me. Probably from crying all day she wears herself out. I just can't wait to go on a vacation by ourselves in a couple months. We need it so much. Well, better get going. I need to fold that laundry and sweep upstairs. Yipee!!!

It's been too long!

2005-05-01T13:26:00.000-04:00

Dang, it's been almost a month since i posted anything here, let alone read anyone else's. I hate getting behind in things like that. I'm so scared about having two kids. I'm mostly scared for Eli, not the new baby. Eli has emotions and is very sensitive. I'm just afraid he'll be so jealous and not understand why I can't play with him and snuggle like I did before. It was different when he was a baby and cried. I know he wanted to be picked up and comforted, but now when he cries there is emotions behind it, not just a need, you know? I can't believe that Mia will be here tomorrow. It just went way too fast. The more and more I think about it, the more I think that I want to be done having children. I am just way too selfish. I still want a life. Is that just plain wrong of me to say? I mean, I love Eli more than life itself, but I also love when I have ME time. I'm just scared I'll never have any anymore. I know I'll look back in ten years and have plenty of time for myself, but honestly I don't think I could nor would want to have anymore than two children. Plus, the less children we have, the more they get, if that makes sense. I want to be able to give them the best-schooling, clothes, etc. Things that I couldn't have I want them to have.

Anyway, the house is coming along. There is still so much decorating and crap to do. I need to buy rugs, more pictures, and lots of greenery. It is so fun to decorate and fix up a place. We need a new bedroom set too, which I'm hoping Ty will let us go get soon. Then I can transfer all our old furniture into the guest room. I get these "visions" of what I want something to look like in my house, and then the idea morphes into this huge project and I can't stop until it is just the way I thought it would look. Like our kid's bathroom. I painted it green, and put up all the stuff. The green was neon, so I tried a faux finish and it turned out horribly. Finally, I went and bought a different green and that looked pretty good. Now, I just ordered these polka dots you can stick on the wall (and are removeable!) to go in there. I didn't even care about the price. I HAD to have those. When I get something stuck in my head, there's no convincing me otherwise. Maybe that's why Eli is so bullheaded. Okay, well, I need to get some more stuff hung up and make a batch of friendship bread-the amish kind you get in a plastic bag. I've been eating it like crazy lately!! Say a prayer for a nice healthy baby!!!!!

fun fun fun

2005-04-09T10:25:00.000-04:00

Eli has to go to the hospital today to get bloodwork for his surgery Tuesday. I think I'm more nervous about that than his actual surgery. Why, I'm not sure. I figure I will do fun things with him today afterwards to make up for it. Maybe go to the park, watch his favorite movie, etc.

We are officially moving in to our home a week from today. Ty is going over today to finish up the floor trim and hopefully the other two bathroom faucets will be put on this week by his step dad. Hopefully I'll be able to get everything put away and organized and cleaned before the baby comes in like two weeks!

Eli slept in his big boy bed again yesterday at the new house. I notice his naps aren't as long, but it's still an accomplishment! We haven't put a rail on, and I would prefer not to, but I don't want to jeopardize his safety just so his bed looks better. I can always hear him when he wakes up, too. It's-THUMP! thump thump thump. As he gets out of bed and walks to the stairs to yell for me. He just recently started saying "basketball". He says basketbee. It's so cute. I'm so proud that his speech is getting better. I see all these other kids on the internet talking in full sentences, and I get so excited when Eli puts two words together. I guess I'm just a nerd.

I've been going back and forth about the homeschooling thing. I really want to, as long as there are planned activities with other homeschool kids weekly. My friend Lorie and I are going to switch off with some of the things. I suck at Math, so we thought she could teach that, and I'll stick to the history and english crap. I know this will all come later, but I don't want my kids to be nerdy, isolated, self conscious kids. I also don't want to send them to public school where I don't know what's being taught, and what they're seeing in the bathrooms (sex acts) or being offered (drugs). I know I can't keep them sheltered forever, but I really want to be the one that shapes their lives, not a teacher with 30+ kids in their classroom. Even the Christian and private schools I just don't trust. I went to a Christian school, and even though the cirriculum seems better, there are still the same kind of problems as regular public schools. I also know some of the mom's on SM's are totally not for homeschooling, but I just don't feel comfortable with the public schools. On the other hand, I think how nice it would be to send them off to school and have a few solitary hours by myself each day. Then I think I am being selfish and in 20 years I'll be so glad I didn't do that. Ty said as long as I homeschool them for the first couple years they can go to regular school. I think I'll leave it up to the kids. If they want to go to public school when they're older, I'll definitely let them. But, they may have made their own friends through the homeschool network and won't even want to go. who knows? See how my mind works? I swear I have ADD or something. :D

Well, better take a shower and get ready to take Eli to get stuck. I'm dreading it! Oh, and Lisa, if you're reading this, email me-Ty wants to talk to Ted and I don't know if his emails are going through. He said he'd like to just give him a call, if that's okay with you. Adios!!!

My life is so boring

2005-03-30T14:21:00.000-05:00

I don't really have anything new to say, but everyone else has such interesting blogs, I thought I should post something. I love our new house, and we're not even in it. It's been so nice, I've been letting Eli go outside and play there. I sit in a chair on the patio, and he plays with his cars and balls out there. There is a FP picnic table that he thinks is the neatest that the previous owners left. His new obsession is bugs. We were out there yesterday, and he spotted a ladybug. He kept saying "Ewww!" over and over. He got the "eww" from a book I read to him called Sam's Sandwich. Sam's sister is making a sandwich, and in each layer of the sandwich Sam puts some kind of bug in it. I always say "Eww!!" when he finds the bug. It was so cute. I can't believe all the words he's picking up. He's really starting to talk, finally.

I couldn't really see the tube in his ear today, so I figure I'll leave it alone until I can pull it out or it falls out on it's own. It doesn't seem to bother him at all, so I'm not going to worry about it.

On a baby note, I'm so not ready for her to come. I wish I had another couple of months. I'm so scared I'll be tired and depressed, and that I won't love her as much as Eli. It is getting rather uncomfortable, though. She's such a different baby than Eli, already. She stretches out to full capacity in my stomach, and puts her feet under my boobs. Eli always stayed curled up. Eli was so much more active, too. Mia seems more quiet, which i am praying is the case. Not that Eli was a bad baby, he is just a very active little boy. I guess I'd rather have that than have him sitting in front of the TV all day.

Tonight I'm going to an Arbonne party. Someone on Slacker mom's said it is good stuff, so I'm interested to try it. Eli is finally really starting to like the inlaws, and I am glad. I wonder if it was my hesitation more than his, ya know? He's coming with me to the party tonight because my MIL is the one hosting it, and he'll get to hang outside with Grandpa Terry. Than tomorrow night he gets to be there again when I go to my Bible Study.

ty's work sucks. He asked for a salary, and the boss keeps giving him the shaft, so I think he's gonna leave and take a few of the lOan officers with him and start his own company. He's been wanting to have his own company forever, so I really hope he does it, even if it is tight for a few months. I just want him to be happy, but at the same time make lots of cash. I am a high maintenance woman!!!:D

I think that's about all I have to say. I am the most boring person, ever, I know. Everyone else seems to have such exciting things happening. Maybe I'll bring the camera over to the new house tomorrow to take some pics. That'll give me something to do, at least!!!

We're never gonna move!!

2005-03-20T14:12:00.000-05:00

Okay, so things are coming along, but Ty just informed me last night that we probably won't be able to move next week. Granted, I DO want everything to be done, but at the same time, I want to be in and settled before the new baby comes! I'm starting to get a little anxious. Boxes are piling up in the garage in the new place and in the basement(the basement is the only area that is actually FINISHED completely). I keep bringing stuff over, and our house here is in shambles. I feel so sorry for Eli. He doesn't understand what is going on!

Speaking of Eli, he has been in the best of moods lately. This morning, I decided to take a couple pics of him, and I would say "smile!" and he would give me this big cheezy grin. He kills me. I am scared he'll always be my favorite child, no matter what. He is the light of my stinkin' life!

Ty is sick. He was better for like a week, and now he is sick again. whatever is going around is horrible. I am amazed I'm not sick. SUre I'm a little congested and have a slight sore throat, but feel pretty good. I think God knows that I can't afford to be sick with a new baby and having to take care of Eli. It's amazing the way our bodies work, if you think about it.

I just visited SK on the Junies board. I haven't been there forever, and I can't believe how neat it was to see all the babies and how they're growing. It was also neat to see some of the women pregnant again. I didn't really post much, except to say congrats to shahanna, but it was still neat to see all those ladies again. Well, I think Eli is getting up, so I better go get him!

I'm fat and pregnant

2005-03-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

Just feeling gross and ugly today. I have these maternity jeans that do nothing for my figure, but don't want to buy more just for 2 more months. We went to the house today, and it is really coming along. i think I'm gonna wait and post pics when its done, now. Should only be another week or two. My mom is painting the basement today. The color is called Classic Taupe. It looks great. We got part of our furniture SAturday, and it is so awesome! I've never had new furniture, so it's really exciting. Eli has been sleeping since 2:45. He fell asleep in the car, and is still zonked out. Lately he has been taking 3 hour naps, which are wonderful. He's also been waking up at the crack of dawn, so maybe it balances things out. I need to get some room darkening shades or something for his new room. I think he wakes up with the early morning light.

I keep calling my brother Gabe to come help at the house, and he never responds. The thing that pisses me off is, when he was married to his slob of a wife, I would go over there (a 30 min drive) and clean the pig sty. I remember one day doing 9 loads of laundry, and it still wasn't done! It looked like the tub had NEVER been cleaned. It took me forever to get the ring around the tub off. I never have gotten a thank you or anything. Not that I did it for a thank you. I did it because I love him, but you'd think he'd remember that or want to help me out for the same reason. I've taken dinner to him quite a few times too, and all I asked him to do was come put in the light fixtures in our house, and he won't do it. Just kinda irritates me. I'm pissed at my other brother, Luke for the same reasons. Whenever he's messing around with this girl, Erica, he totally stops calling me or coming over. It's like he becomes a different person. When he's not with her, he is like the greatest big brother ever. I just don't get it. Lately, when I call him, he acts like I'm an annoyance or something, so I just quit calling.

some days I feel so lonely. ty has been working on the house nonstop, which i am thankful for, but he comes home, takes a shower, and is so tired he just goes right to bed. some days I have no adult contact whatsoever. NOt that I would ever be unfaithful, but I can definitely see how it happens.

I met with my friend Lorie, and her daughter Elisha for lunch today. We just met at Wendy's and then went to look at my new house. Lorie is a really sweet person, but sometimes I feel like we don't have much to talk about. She's one of the nicest people I know, though. Her daugher is 4 months younger than Eli, but it makes such a difference! It's like night and day. Elisha just started walking 2 months ago, and is so tiny! I know when they're 5 or maybe even younger, it will be no big deal. It's so weird how when the kids are little they just develop so differently. Eli kept trying to feed her goldfish crackers at our house. I really see such a sensitive side in my little boy. I hope he always keeps it. I am now starting to think he'll be a great big brother. We'll see, though. Okay, enough for one day. If anyone reads my blog, I'm sorry I'm such a bore!

I need to go to bed

2005-03-08T22:38:00.000-05:00

But I can't for some reason. I think my body is getting ready for no sleep with the new baby. The house is really coming along. I brought the camera over Saturday, and started taking pictures, but keep leaving the dang thing over there! Eli hates the new house. There's painting stuff and tools everywhere, and today he was just crying his eyes out, so I took him home. No one wants me around the paint, anyway, so I have not had to do much!! Yay! I LOVE all the colors, and ecspecially love the kids rooms and the wood floors. Ty has gotten a lot of the flooring laid. He's been working so so hard. I feel for him. I wish there was something I could do for him. Actually, I wish we could just get away for a weekend and relax, but with two months of pregnancy left and the house to move into, I don't think it's gonna happen until I'm done breastfeeding the new kid. Our house we're living in is in shambles with boxes everywhere, and I think Eli is just feeling the tension and chaos and he doesn't like it. He went to stay with Grandma tonight, because she wanted to keep him, and I ended up going to the house and cleaned all the registers and finished the second coat of paint in Eli's room. We still have all the baseboards and doors to paint, all the new faucets to put in, and all the new light fixtures I bought to put in. Plus, the basement still needs painted and the carpet cleaned.

Tomorrow I have a jewelry party and also one on Friday. I hope it's a high dollar party to help me get more decorating stuff!! I actually don't really like doing these parties anymore. Maybe it's because I'm so pregnant. I just have no motivation. I always feel good, though, after I've done one and have a couple hundred bucks in my pocket. I'm just such a homebody, even the couple hours I'm away are hard for me.

My Mom has been a great help with the new house and with Eli. Sometimes I think he likes her more than me, and it scares me. I think, am I a bad mom? Do I not play with him enough? I'm already such an Obsessive compulsive freak, it doesn't help when I see how excited he gets to see grandma and grandpa, and waves goodbye to me like, "see ya Mom". He doesn't even care when I leave when he's with them.

I had my doctor appointment today, and the doctor said I'm measuring perfect, which is a relief. So many people are saying how "small" I am, it scared me that maybe I was too small and the baby wasn't growing right. He said I should expect Mia to be about 6.25 pounds, which is fine with me. I talked to my interior decorator tonight about doing some Venetian plaster technique in the kids' bathroom, because the walls are messed up. If anyone knows how to do this, please give me some tips! Otherwise I'll just have to do some type of faux treatment. Well, I guess I'll go lay in bed and try to fall asleep. Heaven knows in 2 months I'll be killing for sleep!

Starting to panic

2005-03-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

Okay, my husband has informed me he wants to move into the new house in two weeks. What??? The flooring isn't even done! There are three rooms done, and that was with lots of help. The bathrooms are still crappy. None of the cabinets are painted. I'm just feeling so overwhelmed. He says we are paying for three houses and the one we are paying the most for we aren't even living in. Well, then maybe he shouldn't have bought it! I'm so sick of men. It must be my pregnancy hormones, because he just irritates the crap out of me. He's such a procrastinator. I've asked him time and again to not smoke in the new house while he's working, and he continues to do it. Some days I'd just like to strangle him. That crap gets into the nasty vents, and with the new paint, I would like it to stay nice and fresh. does he not care about our children? Sometimes I swear, he's so selfish.

On a better note, I got the car cleaned and the oil changed today at Wally World. I love that place, even though I know most of you girls hate it. I got these two huge canvas oil paintings there of flowers in the colors in my house to put on the mantel in the fireplace. It's gonna look phatty! Eli stayed with my Mom while I went to Walmart. I ate at the Subway there ( I had a footlong veggie-hey, I'm pregnant!) and read a magazine, and it was kinda nice just to be alone. I ended up spending 50 bucks on who knows what. That's the one place with those have it all in one place stores. I always end up spending money on stuff, and don't even know what I bought. I'm sure Ty will shit a brick, but I don't care lately. I DID get him some new underwear (boxer briefs). I don't know if anyone's seen the Seinfeld where Jerry's describing how men wear their underwear until they're vapor, but that's my husband. I was folding some out of the dryer this morning, and I could literally see through them. It was hilarious.

Anyway, I have Bible study tonight, and am hoping I'll have a babysitter. Otherwise I'm stuck with not being able to go again. Ty's mom MIGHT be able to watch him, I'm not sure. I guess I better find out. It's a really good study by Beth Moore, and it really keeps me accountable to reading my Bible every night. I feel so much closer to God when I'm doing one of those studies. I'm also excited because the OC is on tonight, and Survivor, my two favorite shows! We always tape one, and then watch the other one, because they're on at the same time. Well, better go get my cell phone to call Ty's Mom. I just don't like Eli being over there, because their house is dirty, and her husband is an alcoholic. I'll try to get her to come over here. She is a wonderful woman, though, really. Ty just gets mad and says I'm trying to keep his son away from his family. well, maybe if they weren't so messed up, I wouldn't! :) Okay, I'm off. I really like this blog thing! It's like my own online diary!

My first blog entry!

2005-03-02T19:58:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm in. I'm excited. This is cool. I don't really know what to say, so I guess I'll just do what everyone else does and talk about my life. Ty took Eli swimming tonight at a hotel pool. His mom rented a room for her and her husband. They like to do that for little mini vacations. I'm watching "Lost" right now because Caro says it's the best show around, so we'll see if I get hooked. I just hope I have it on the right channel.

We went to the new house today. The painter was there. He's doing a pretty good job, but I am just scared he's going to cut corners, ya know? I know he's a professional, but he's Ty's friend, so I hope he does a good job. I love the colors the interior decorator picked, though. They're beautiful. There's a red in our foyer called "Cinnabar" that is just awesome with the white crown molding. With the new furniture, our house is gonna be phatty I think. Once I am able to get my "dream kitchen" I will be in heaven. For now, I will make do and just paint the cabinets. I've never seen a house so dirty. When we took the curtains down, tons of dust and dirt came off. It was sickening. The bathrooms were probably the worst. I swear they'd never been cleaned. It was nasty.

My mom and Dad, who moved from FL last May, just bought a house also. It's nice. Her decorating style if just SO different from mine. She loves doilies and pastels, which is just NOT me. My mom is my best friend, so I usually tell her what I think, though, in a nice way.

Eli has started talking more, yay! I'm so excited. In the past week he has added cracker and cookie to his vocabulary. He also does very well with "B" words. Bus, Buzz, Bath, book, etc. I'm happy about that. When we went to the doctor last week, he said his tubes are no longer in the canal, so they're not doing any good and will probably be coming out shortly. I just pray Eli doesn't need to have them put back in. I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
Well, I guess I'm gonna watch this show. It's getting kinda interesting. Good bye fore now!